I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included. – Steven Wright
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It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and say the opposite. – Sam Levenson
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Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains? – Unknown
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Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. – Kinky Friedman
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A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore. – Yogi Berra
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Nobody says you must laugh, but a sense of humor can help you overlook the unattractive, tolerate the unpleasant, cope with the unexpected, and smile…
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On the whole, human beings want to be good, but not too good and not quite all the time. – George Orwell
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know. – Steven Wright
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