Olympics: The one time every four years when people remember badminton exists. – Tyler Stanton (@tylerstanton) on Twitter
When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty….
If he’s gonna have the last laugh, I’m gonna have it first. – Sherman Hemsley, as the brash George Jefferson
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t. – Unknown
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. – Emo Philips