You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name — and you’ve never been to that bar before. –…
I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives. – Billy Connolly
I changed my password everywhere to ‘incorrect.’ That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, ‘Your password is incorrect.’ – Unknown
Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in. – Richard Jeni