If you steal from one author, it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many, it’s research. – Wilson Mizner
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food. – W.C. Fields
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Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. – Mark Twain
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If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month. – Theodore…
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I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator. – Emo Philips
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I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red. – David Letterman
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Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer. – Ellen DeGeneres
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How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand. – Emo Philips
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